I just recently found a blog called 'Janet's Journal'. I've really enjoyed reading her writings from the perspective of a stay-at-home, single mother of 3. I asked her permission to post her post on my blog because I think it's something that we all need to think about. I think the church has done a terrible job ministering to single parents. I know this post spoke to my heart and I hope it speaks to yours as well.
Blessings,
~Mrs. B
ps.- Janet designs websights so if you have that type of need, contact her. I'm sure she'd appreciate the business! (o:
The Single Keeper at Home and How You Can Helpby Janet W.
I am a keeper at home; however, I am a single woman. I want to give some perspective and hope to single women whose hearts’ desire is to be at home with their children. I believe it is a command for women to be keepers at home, regardless of their circumstances. Titus 2:3-5 reads "The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed." (emphasis mine) Did you see that? For a mother not to be a keeper at home is blaspheming the Word of God! The Bible doesn’t say that becoming single changes that. Some may say that these verses apply only to that day and time in which this was written. I don’t think we can pick and choose what verses we obey or when we obey His Word. His Word is Truth and never changes. God meant what He said and said what He meant. He created the family and knows what is best! We can trust Him for that!
I have been single for over 5 years now because of an unwanted divorce. I have three beautiful daughters, who I’ve always homeschooled. They are 13, 10 and 8. I never dreamed I could remain at home with my girls and keep homeschooling them. God has been so good to honor the desires of my heart, and my desire to do things HIS way!
When I first became single again, I panicked, did what I was told from church-members, and took a part-time job at a grocery store. After all, all single women have to go to work, right? The hours were in the evenings so that I could homeschool in the mornings. Every week, I worked three straight days, from 2PM until midnight. It was hard, fast-paced work. After a while, my family was falling apart. The devil was working, and I began to see very quickly that I had no business being out of my home! My mother kept my girls, and she did the best she could, but she was not training them at all (It was not her job, was it?!); they were only being watched and fed. The girls were getting out of control, and I was too exhausted to homeschool properly. It took me days to recuperate from those three working days, and then it was time to go back to work. After working for five months, I started begging God to send me work to do from home. Within one week, I had four children, besides my own, to care for daily!
Some may think that having seven kids to care for every day would be daunting, but I was so thrilled to have them! God had answered my prayers, and I could be there for my daughters again! God helped me schedule all the children and things went very well. This was a summer job though, and all but one child returned to school in the fall. That was ok, because the Lord had allowed my website designing business to start making a little money here and there. I also received some child support, but not a lot.
Eventually, for various reasons, I quit keeping children in my home, and was able to be with my girls exclusively. God sent me customers that needed website work done every now and then. In time, child support increased even more, but still things were very tight. More than anything though, God cared for us through His people. We had no car for a year, but we prayed and waited patiently and confidently. I was not going to disobey God and leave my home to go to work just to buy a vehicle. My girls deserved my best, which was my time, not possessions!
One day, a wonderful lady from our church called to see if I wanted their used minivan. I told her I could not afford it. She said "No, we want to give it to you." That was God!! My daughters and I just cried. My girls saw God their Father taking care of us. When I prayed, I honestly expected a beat-up old car, for which I would have been extremely grateful. But God exceeded it with a nice minivan, of all things, that ran perfectly! I never ever thought I’d have a minivan. Another family gave us a perfectly good piano! Another prayer answered! Last year, we were given a good used washer and dryer set, after we’d done without a dryer for some time. Many of God’s children have sent love gifts of money, many just in time. One friend took care of bills when my house was about to be repossessed for past due taxes. This friend also takes care of the girls’ school books and other school expenses whenever the need arises. God’s hands are truly the hands of His people!
I want to make it clear that we in no way sit back and expect folks to help us. But it is how God works to meet needs in our situation and others. Money will not fall from the sky, although it could, if God so chose. God lays things on the hearts of others, and they reach out to help. I will not refuse blessings and answers to prayers that God sends! When you refuse help, you are robbing that person of a blessing. You also are refusing God’s answer to prayer! How can we refuse God’s provisions?? How prideful that is!
I know that I’m very blessed to have child support. Some women may not have this. Whether you do or not, but still need additional income, I urge you to seek to find some sort of "cottage business" like the Proverbs 31 woman had. She found something she could do at home to make money for her family. I believe with all my heart that God will answer your prayer and abundantly bless you! God longs to see women being joyful keepers at home! I know of one single, homeschooling mother who, along with her five daughters, cleans houses and businesses. I know other single mothers who run home daycares, write articles, make beautiful handmade items to sell, etc. There are so many possibilities! Ask God, in faith, what to do, KNOWING that He WILL show you! It may take some time for you to be at home full-time, but God will do some "great and mighty things, which thou knowest not!" (Jeremiah 33:3) I never, ever thought that I would really make it as a website designer, but oh, how God loves to prove us wrong and surprise us, even with our doubting, worrying hearts!
I further urge you single sisters, and even married sisters in dire straights, to accept help from different sources. It should come from the church first, but could also come from charity organizations or the government. I know many Christians feel one should not accept charity, but God has made it available to us, and it would be wise, for our children’s sakes, to take it, be thankful, and use these resources to continue rearing our children for the Lord. Many feel that "if you don’t work, neither shall ye eat." Well, I work VERY hard at home-- obeying God. The work God gave me to do is to be a keeper at home. This is a full-time Christian ministry! I take care of my children, I homeschool them, I keep my home, I am available to others, and work in my cottage business. Even with severely cut living expenses, sometimes there is just not enough money, and if you can get some help-- that will further enable you to do God’s will-- then please do so. Don’t let pride keep you from accepting help and, therefore, not obeying God by keeping your home. Many Christians will accept government checks for foster children and/or adoptive children, but condemn other forms of assistance. There really is no difference. In light of the fact that many churches and families no longer support the widows or help the poor as they should, it is a necessary evil. I’m just so thankful for any and all help that I receive. I don’t become wound up in my pride; my focus is my CHILDREN’S needs, and being at home with them. I cannot adequately express how important and vital it is to the welfare of the Christian family.
I want to give ideas to those who want to know how to help single mothers who are striving to raise their children for the Lord. (This would probably also be a blessing to single fathers, mothers with husbands in the military, or to two-parent families who are in dire straits.)
**Pray for them. Pray for their strength-- spiritual, physical and emotional. One of the biggest problems I have is being exhausted in all ways because I do it all alone-- all the time.
**Encourage them often. Tell them they are doing a good job. There is no one at home to tell them, and often they doubt they are doing any good at all. It is tough to keep going down such a long, hard road alone.
**Ask them about their lives. I have found that many people will not ask me about my life, other than a quick "How are you?", probably because they are afraid of pouring salt in my wound, or they just don't know how to relate to me. I have been in many situations where the ladies would go on and on about their lives, but never wanted to really know what was going on in mine. (And yes, I spent quite a lot of time showing interest in them first.) Single mothers would like to be included in conversations also.
**Offer to take their children to appointments, lessons, or other activities. One parent cannot do it all, and ofttimes, for the mental well-being of the single parent, activities are severely limited; OR the mother is run so ragged that she loses her physical, mental, and emotional health. Imagine what it is like to have NO ONE to go pick up a gallon of milk for you, or to run by the pharmacy for medicine for a sick child (or a sick mama!). Those small errands add up and exhaust a single mother. Imagine what it is like not to have someone come home to you at the end of the day, to relieve you of the children for just a little while, for someone to field a multitude of childish questions, for someone to be your cheerleader, or for someone simply to give you a much-needed hug and to take care of you. No, there is no one. A single mother has to handle the children, and all of life’s problems and situations alone all the time. One of the things I want to hear so often is "You heard your mother. Now go and do what she said."
**Offer to help them financially in some way. This could be paying for music or other lessons that are just impossible for the single mother to afford. This could be something small as paying for a magazine subscription for the children or for the mother. These things are luxuries. It could be buying a pair of shoes for a fast-growing child. It could be by funding homeschool books for a homeschooling family. It could be to pay one bill for them at one time, or committing to continually pay a certain bill until things are a lot better for them.
If every local church member would give even $5 a week or month, what a difference it would make in the life of a single mother! It is a terrible shame for a mother to have to return to work after becoming single again, no matter the reason why. The children have already suffered the loss of their father, sometimes their home, and often a depletion of finances. They should not have to lose their mother also! How much more they need their mother in the home full-time to give them stability and love!
Folks, we must realize how necessary it is for a mother to be at home with her children, no matter what the age of the children (teenagers need just as much or more supervision than toddlers do) or the circumstances! We must get back to Bible living!
It is also a terrible shame for fellow Christians to "live on flowery beds of ease", while some do without the necessities of life. Did Jesus live like this? Jesus had no place to lay His head, but I’m seeing people that hoard their possessions, accumulating more and more, forgetting that we are just passing through, and that we are here to glorify God and minister to others. I am so appalled by the lack of compassion that I’m seeing by "Christians". Acts 4:34-35 shares how the early church treated each other: "Neither was there any among them that lacked: for as many as were possessors of lands or houses sold them, and brought the prices of the things that were sold, And laid them down at the apostles' feet: and distribution was made unto every man according as he had need." (emphasis mine) Where is the compassion for others, especially "those of the household of faith"? (Galatians 6:10)
It’s not wrong for families to have possessions-- things that they have worked so hard for. But where is the concern for the souls of little children who need their mothers? Are not mothers the best teachers for these little children of God? If many would help just a little, what great things could be accomplished! Will you be like the Good Samaritan and help, binding their wounds and giving them care and shelter, or are you going to be like the other "religious" folks, looking the other way and passing on? (Luke 10:25-37) Jesus said to and "Go, and do thou likewise" just as the Good Samaritan did.
**Call a single mother sometime and ask if they have a specific need that you can meet. It’s so hard to ask for help, and they really ought not to have to ask often. Call and see if they need some repair work done to their house or vehicle. If the mother has no health insurance, help her get to the doctor when needed. In doing some of these things, you can relieve so much stress from a single mother’s mind so that she can concentrate on her noble and heavenly task of fitting little ones for Heaven. It is VERY difficult to do any good at all when you live with constant worry and stress. Even small things people normally take for granted every day can become enormous problems for a single mother-- like a child needing new shoes or having enough gas in the vehicle.
**Do not brag on your good fortunes. Just as we would not go on and on over a new baby in the presence of someone who can not conceive or who had recently lost a child, it is thoughtless to share all about your fortunes and luxuries that a single person cannot possibly even dream of, who is terrified deep in her heart of what tomorrow will bring for her financially, who struggles with the basic needs of life. You have no idea who may be about to lose her home or have her electricity turned off. Please also be careful about mentioning romantic gestures that you have received from your husband, when a single mother has no husband to love her. It is not that you have to be on eggshells around them; it is just that you can cause pain without realizing or meaning to. I can testify how hard it is to balance being happy for your friends' blessings, yet hurting because you are in very hard circumstances.
**Don’t expect things from them, just because they come easy to you. As a matter of fact, we shouldn’t do this to anyone. I have been misunderstood because I don't attend a lot of activities outside the home. We must remember that others are in completely different situations than we are, even if we have been in one quite similar. We may have strengths, gifts, abilities, and energy levels that others may not have.
**Don’t make light of or dismiss their feelings and longings for a spouse. Often a single parent longs for a spouse, but are told that a man/woman cannot meet all their needs. (They are told this by married people who have never been in their shoes.) Nobody can meet every need, but everyone craves friendships and most people deeply desire a spouse. We were created to need other human relationships. There is a place in our heart that only a spouse can meet. GOD HIMSELF designed it that way! Please don’t make light of their heart’s cry. It can be the worst anguish of all.
You cannot imagine how much you’ll bless a single mother and her children until you get to Heaven! Believe me, God will richly multiply your blessings. Matthew 25:40 says "And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." This is Kingdom work that will last for eternity, and that will bless generations to come-- simply by insuring that a godly mother stays in her home when the odds are against her. If you doubt the value of a godly mother, remember Susanna Wesley. Without her, we would not have had two of the greatest Christian leaders of all time-- John and Charles Wesley.
To those dear ones who have shown my family God’s love over these years, I humbly and deeply thank you. God will multiply your gifts many times over.
(The above article was originally published in The Women of Simplicity Companion Magazine. It is being updated occasionally as needed.)
Note from Mrs. B--I obtained permission from Janet to post her article. Please do the same before posting it on your own blog. (o:
