I think I've mentioned in my posts about Keepers of the Faith that I just LOVE the marriage book that they wrote. They used to have a magazine and the book is comprised of articles that they ran in the magazine and then compiled into a book. I've read MANY (and I TRULY mean MANY) books on marriage and in my opinion theirs is the absolute best. I like it because the writer, Susan Zakula, is blunt but kind. She lays it on the line very plainly but she also says several times that she has not 'arrived' in this area and is still learning herself....even after 30 years of marriage. And that's the other thing. I like that she's been married for 30 years! If she's been married that long, she must know a thing or two about it. I've been married to Mr. Wonderful for 14 years which seems like a small amount of time compared to 30 years, but in this day and age it's quite a long time. The book is also full of Scripture and Biblical principles which is so important....it's not 'their philosophy' they're trying to impart but Biblical truth.
I feel like I can relate to Mrs. Zakula because she was not raised in a Christian home and neither was I. It seems like she truly understands the struggles that I go through because of my lack of proper Biblical training on how to be a Godly wife.....training that would have been so helpful for me as a married woman.
I obtained permission from them to quote from their book. To be honest, I hope reading my review will make you want to immediatly go out and purchase a copy for yourself. In my opinion it's the best investment of $8.95 that you'll ever make.
The book is 195 pages and it has 14 chapters so I think it will take several posts to cover what I'd like to cover. I've highlighted and written in my book so I'm going to share with you some direct quotes from the book that really spoke to my heart. I have read the book at least twice and I'm reviewing it again for this post and it never fails to speak to my heart. I just love it.......can you tell? (o;
Chapter 1-"Is Your Life Out of Kilter Too?"
She (Susan Zakula) opens with a letter she received from a woman (and the letter represents many of the letters that she often receives). This woman talks about how she is burned out and is under a doctor's orders of 'enforced rest' because she has allowed herself to get way over-extended in her commitments outside of her home (even though she's a stay-at-home mom). She home-schools her children, administrates a home-school organization for her home business and also does some other 'home business' type of things to help suppliment her husband's income. To quote the letter, she says 'It all seemed right and necessary--but somewhere things went wrong. I found myself in a leadership role where I was more and more talking about things I no longer had time to do; getting impatient and angry with my husband and children for their failure and/or inability to 'help me' with my overload of work." She then goes on to express that she even had thoughts that God had abandoned her. She ends by saying how she's had to turn over her home business to someone else and she is trying to recoup mentally and physically and is using the time to try and figure out how she got off the path of being 'at home' --with serving her husband and children and having her home as her primary duty. There is much more but the last sentence says...."So many seem untroubled by the fast pace, the lack of time to thoughtfully discipline and carefully train their children and the lack of time to be quietly at home."
Mrs. Zakula then talks about how letters like this "make her heart heavy for those dear women whose hearts are breaking and for all of the young wives and mothers heading in the same direction." She then talks about 'Deceptions'. How we Christian ladies can be deceived by the devil with not just evil things but things that are good--"good ideas, good opportunities, good service, and good activities." Then she quotes her husband "The most dangerous lie is the lie that is closest to the truth." And that is so true! "Because it's the most difficult lie to discern. A successful lie must have a considerable amount of truth in it or people won't believe it." She then goes on to talk about the answers and how that God is not responsible for the messes we make in our life but He does have the answers to help us untangle our mess.
Then Mrs. Zakula talks about how she is NOT the 'perfect woman, the perfect wife or the perfect mother.' She says she was a feminist when the Lord saved her. She says "His salvation was a mountaintop experience; becoming a godly, submissive wife has been a lifelong process." She talks about how she's still learning and that she has not arrived. She then says "A good marriage lies in loving God more than we love ourselves." One of my favourite quotes from this chapter is this:
**"We don't work at developing a good marriage. We work at submitting ourselves to our heavenly Father, being filled with the fruits of His Spirit, and the result is a happy relationship with our husbands. Sin is the separating factor. There is no pat recipe for marital bliss."
Chapter 2-"Beginnings"
Mrs. Zakula says "We women tend to focus on the external aspects of married life." She then talks about the many questions she gets such as "Where does a woman draw the line in obedience?" She talks about how the answers to these questions will not usually repair the marriage and how some women seem to want a list of do's and don'ts. She says "A rule book will not work for a marriage." She talks about how many women feel like God was unfair in determining the male and female roles and how some women feel that God has placed them in an 'inferior position'. She then asks us to pray that our hearts and minds will be truly open to God's truth and she quotes Psalm 25:4-5.
Mrs. Zakula goes back to Genesis 2:18-25. She says "There is not one negative thought expressed in God's intention for your being." She says many other good things and then asks "Can you trust God?" Then she talks about how many of us don't realize how much wives mean to their husbands. And how husbands have hopes and dreams when they come to marriage too (not just women--men dream too). Many women talk about 'what a disappointment' their marriage has turned out to be or how 'they didn't think it would be this way'. She points out that it's the same for the husband too. She says "For instance, your husband didn't realize that you'd be too tired most of the time, crabby, busy with the house, visiting with your friends. He didn't know the children would take up all your time. He didn't know how great the living expenses would become." What she's trying to bring out is that husbands have hopes and dreams that didn't come true too...it's not just women who experience these feelings of disallusionment.
Here are some of my favourite quotes from this chapter:
**"Seldom does a woman phone or write about what a terrible wife she is, only about her husband. She cries for herself, never for him. Each is wrapped up in their own misery, never seeing the misery of their spouse."
**"Have you ever thought of asking your husband what his dreams were, or does he even have any left? How is he disappointed in you? How have you let him down?"
**"A man is looking for more than a housekeeper. He can hire that. He is looking for more than a cook. He can hire that. He is looking for a woman to love him, to become one flesh with him. He is looking for a woman to be a friend and a lover. Have you ever stopped to think just how much you might be letting him down?"
She then asks us to examine our own hearts....to focus on ourselves not on our husband's faults. She also points out that love is more than just an emotion......it is an act and it is commanded by God.
I've quoted extensively from the first 2 chapters. I will be a little more brief in the next 12. There is just too much good information for me to be able to convey it all in a post. I encourage you to buy the book and study it for yourself. And as with anything examine it with Acts 17:11 in mind, as you should ANYTHING you read. I think you'll find that their teachings align with the Bible.
To purchase the book "Are You Serious About Marriage?" go here. It is only $8.95 and it's full of so much truth.
The book "Are You Serious About marriage?" is copyrighted. If you wish to quote from their book you must obtain permission from them. Copyright © 2006 Keepers of the Faith, Co. All rights reserved.
